He who laughs last didn’t get it. 224.
My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again.216.
6.
10. You wanna know who I’m in love with? 97. I don’t go crazy, I am crazy. Some people are like clouds. 124. We spend so much time worrying about how the future is going to play out and not nearly enough time admiring the precious perfection of the present.” I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot. 52. 5. When life closes a door, just open it again. 49.
It’s not important to win, it’s important to make the other guy lose. 62.
I only check my voicemail to get rid of the annoying little icon. 131. 107. Short Funny Quotes.
Enjoy! When you fall, I will be there to catch you with love. These Short funny quotes & images will seriously make you laugh out loud!
160.
It is, therefore, safe to say that, sense of humor can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. When our phones fall, we panic; but when our friends fall, we laugh. What is the tallest building in the entire world? 71. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.229. I’ve made it from the bed to the couch. "I am currently under construction. What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. – Bill Murray257. There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. Why can’t you play cards on a small boat? I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. A mind is like a parachute. 12.
Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. 193.
220. 89. If you don’t succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried.150. Whoever said great things come in small packages hasn’t seen my big screen TV.177.
– Paul Ehrlich241.
15. 19. I didn’t fall, I’m just spending some quality time with the floor. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when I’m with you.152. 16. I’m multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. 153.
‘Revenge’ sounds so mean, that’s why I prefer to call it ‘Returning the favor.’221.
Friends buy you food. There’s life without Facebook and internet?
225.
What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant?
My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldn’t walk to the donut shop. I’m not here to judge, I’m just pointing out all the mistakes you’re making. – Bill Murray226. If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. I didn’t mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button.138. Life doesn’t have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes.
And other times you just need very short quotes about life in general. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? You never run out of things that can go wrong. I’m in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. 54. No matter how bad it gets I’m always rich when I go to the dollar store. I enjoy every minute of it.40. I love being married. What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish? 100.
Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else. In the morning, I can’t get up. 128. Making everyone angry, piece of cake.176. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?266. It makes them so damned mad. 159. I am on a seafood diet. Yeah, so is a grenade.109. Because they make up everything.270. 140. Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious.17.
Today, I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym.
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. – Wilson Mizner262. Swimming trunks. Don’t give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. I didn’t give you the finger, you earned it. – Gary Delaney248.
If at first, you don’t succeed, so much for skydiving. But so again, are thunder and lightning. Read the first word again.59. – Dave Barry 122. – Albert Einstein 190. I tried looking at the bright side of life, but it hurt my eyes. The chains on my mood swing just snapped.
Today I was a hero.
A perfectly executed joke, said at a right time and at a right place, can change an awkward situation into a comfortable one. What do you call a bear with no teeth? Never take life seriously. Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet, miss a car payment.202. 115. – Pat Sajak41. – Anonymous. 123.
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